Kai learned how to skip recently! Or at least he thinks he did. 

Caleb is trying to keep up.

Kai tries to help him catch up.

Sleepin Like a Baby

I can hardly believe Caleb will be 5 months next Friday. He is a little party boy, so different from our serious little Kai baby. In the middle of the day, I'll be going about my business and look over to see Caleb in his bouncy chair just staring at me--waiting for a moment to catch my gaze just so he can give me his biggest grin and watch me melt into a huge smile back. I am so in love with him. 

This week was a huge victory for me and Caleb. He finally started sleeping through the night!! I know, I know. 5 months is a little late. You're telling me. It wasn't Caleb's fault. He was born during the busiest time of our lives yet. It's a good thing he's a flexible, happy, party baby because the first two months of his life he just had to come along for the ride amidst Brandon's graduation, new job, Bar exam, buying a house, and moving. Oh, and before we moved he slept in the living room on the floor in our apartment. The noisy neighbors woke him up all night long and he never even complained. I sure did. So even though I am a schedule and routine kind of gal, Caleb ended up with no routine at all. 

Two weeks ago I hit that point of exhaustion again where I just didn't know how much longer I could go waking up every 3 hours at night. I was begging God for help. Instead of letting Caleb sleep through the night, God whispered something to me during one of his early morning feedings. He reminded me of a Bible verse that my friend Lisa over at Beginning the Journey had posted on her facebook a few days earlier. 

"By his Word God 'calls the things that are not as though they were.'"

God told me to stop grumbling and start calling the things that are not as though they were. I was supposed to start saying that Caleb slept well. "But God, isn't that lying? How can I tell my friends that he sleeps well when he doesn't?". He said, "It's not lying if you believe it." Wow.

That night we went to a baby shower with our community group. I was speaking with two other friends who recently had their second child as well. Of  course, the subject went to sleeping. Their babies were sleeping GREAT at night. I was fighting off the envy with a stick. I wanted so badly to complain and then beg for advice. When they asked about Caleb I mustered a, "Oh, he sleeps well." Change the subject, quick! Ok, God, I did it. I said it. Will he sleep tonight now? 

He still woke up every 3 hours that night. The next morning I just kept telling myself, "He slept well. I am content. I have enough." Slowly I could feel my spirit just shifting into gratitude and out of exhaustion. 

The next day at church I met someone new. Her name was Tammy. She mentioned that she used to teach Babywise classes. Then she said, "Oh yeah, I can get any baby sleeping through the night by 6 weeks." 

Amazing.

Thank you, Jesus.

Tammy came over last week, had lunch with me, and helped me figure out how to get Caleb back on track. This week for the first time in 5 months I have slept in 6-8 hour undisturbed bliss.

Note to self: 

When God says to do something, just obey. 

Pinterest envy. sigh.

"Oh wow! You can make a dress out of an old t-shirt? Repin. Yes, please. I want to do that. Oh, right. I don't have any free time. ..

[enter grumbling thoughts. sneaky buggers] 

How come I never have time to do anything for myself? I didn't know being a mom was so hard. I would love to just stop cleaning for half an hour and do something for me for once. (continue in self pity for 5 minutes while unloading dishes)

[enter Holy Spirit. Beautiful truth whispering in] 

Love is better. Love is to give up everything. That is what He did for you. It's painful, but it's so good isn't it? Your kids don't care if you have a DIY t-shirt dress or just a t-shirt covered in baby food. All they'll remember is how you loved them. I won't ask you how you recycled your shampoo bottles. I will ask you how you loved the ones I gave you to love. Care about what's important.

Jesus, you are good. The wish list can wait because I have all I want and I am who I want to be when I am with you. 

Today's note to self:

Note to MY mom:  You loved to sew and you never had the time. Thank you for feeding me, teaching me, and cleaning up after me instead of sewing nifty, creative things instead. You are awesome and I love you. <3

Weird Dream.

I've been gone for a while. I was on a media fast for a little while. It was awesome. Then we moved and things were really busy. The new house is awesome too.

Caleb still wakes up a lot every night. Not awesome. Please pray that he starts sleeping. Last night Brandon stayed up with him and I actually slept long enough to dream. It was pretty weird so I wanted to write it down somewhere while I can still remember it.

I was in field with a large group of people. I saw a lot of people I recognized from my high school days. I think the group of people was all high schoolers actually. There was a ridiculous amount of animosity and fighting in the group. In fact, the anger boiled over and the field turned into a battle ground. Everyone was fighting. I looked in their hands and they were fighting with plastic knives and forks (told you it was weird). Even though they were just plastic, they were trying to stab each other with them. Then I dreamed that I woke up and thought, "What an awful dream. Why did I dream that?". Then, still dreaming, I translated the beginning of the dream for myself. "Oh, I know what it means. The high school kids ARE in a battle field. However, they are confused and they are fighting each other instead of preparing for the real war that is coming. They care so much about trivial things--enough to fight and try to kill over them. But the things they care about are as harmless and trivial as plastic ware. Better to throw it away (or recycle it lol) and move on."

Then I really woke up. Strange. How will you fight in the battle to come when all you hold in your hand is plastic and all you hold in your heart is care over things that don't matter?

~~

"I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one...I write to you, young men,  because you are strong, and the word of God lives in you, 

and you have overcome the evil one.

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. ¹⁶ For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. ¹⁷ The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever." 2 John 2:14-17


 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Heb 4:12

Beans 'n Greens: Southern Greens and Quinoa

(Sorry, I need some help with my photography skills...)

Older black women can cook some of the best southern goodness you've ever tasted. A friend of mine had her mom teach me how to cook greens. They were so good I wanted to eat the whole pot for dinner. The second time I made them I decided to do just that. I threw in some quinoa and wall-ah! Easy, healthy dinner in a pot. It turned out delish! I can't wait to make it again. Here's the recipe. 

• 1 smoked turkey leg (the secret ingredient! mmm. you can buy these pre-cooked in packs of 2 at Kroger in the meat section)
• 1 large onion
• 3-4 cloves of garlic
• 2 lbs mustard or collard greens, rinsed and chopped
• 2 cups quinoa (more or less depending on how thick you want it)
• 5 cups chicken stock 
• 1-2 TBS brown sugar (optional to counter bitterness of greens)
• 1-2 TBS white vinegar
• Dash of red pepper flakes
• salt and pepper to taste
• Water

In a large pot, saute chopped onion and garlic. Add greens and saute until wilted. Add chicken stock, smoked turkey leg, brown sugar, vinegar, and red pepper flakes. Cover and simmer for 45 minutes to an hour until greens are almost ready.  Add quinoa and extra water if needed. Simmer for additional 12 minutes to cook quinoa. While quinoa is cooking, remove the turkey leg to chop up and mix into soup. Eat up! mmm mmm :) 

*My "soup" turned out really thick. You can add extra water or chicken stock if you want a more soupy consistency. 

Memories on Monday: home is where your family is

3 years ago, we returned from our honeymoon and started life together here:

A sweet one bedroom in a quiet complex with grad students. We painted some of the rooms and I learned some valuable lessons about paint color selection. The YMCA was right behind the complex. We played and practiced handstands at the field out there in the evenings. On Sunday morning we walked through the woods to go to church at The Rock. I learned how to cook in the little kitchen. We had our first arguments in that little kitchen--arguments about funny things like how to do the dishes and how to fold wet dish rags. I remember laying in bed in that one bedroom, still holding the pregnancy test in my hand, excited and astonished that our family of 2 would soon be 3. Then I remember throwing up in that bathroom...a lot. I remember when all of a sudden our living room was full of baby stuff and we realized we needed more than a 1 bedroom apartment.

God provided this:

 Apt D5 in the almost ghetto. We brought Kai home here. We brought Caleb home here. Every Monday night we filled our little apartment with single mothers and their babies. We ate dinner together, chased our babies around together, and grew together. We got to love on 9 mothers and 9 precious babies during our time here. In the summer, the neighborhood kids knock on the door all the time and come in to hang out with us. We put on puppet shows, we talked about Jesus and dating, we went on outings to the park and fountain. Our awesome Guatemalan neighbors welcomed us into their community and fed us amazing fajitas every time they grilled out. But now our living room is full of baby stuff again. So God has provided this:

Our first house!! We have it under contract now and we should close at the end of this month and move in August. When we started house hunting, I half expected that we would get a tiny little fixer-upper with the budget we were working in. But we went ahead and made our dream list anyways and asked God for it...

A large backyard with a sunny area for a big garden and a shady area for Kai to play in. An open kitchen with a great view into the backyard so I can see Kai playing while I cook and clean. 4 bedrooms so we have room to grow and room to offer a bed to anyone God tells us to. A pantry. A mudroom or foyer with a closet. A garage. 

God knew we didn't really have time for house hunting. The first house we looked at was a foreclosure. It had everything we wanted and it was in our price range. It was too perfect to believe, but in a few weeks it will be our new home! It's only a few minutes away from Brandon's new job (another provision from God! thank you!). God has already provided a great church out there with old and new friends. We are so excited to make memories in our new home! 

Tales from the Almost Ghetto

Once upon a time a sheltered suburban white woman and her family moved into the mix of drug dealers, prostitution, and poverty...

{Background story}

Brandon and I love babies, even ones that aren't born yet. In fact, we met at a pro-life prayer meeting in front of an abortion clinic. When we were pregnant with Malakai we started praying and asking God to give us a maternity home one day where we could provide a safe place to live for pregnant women who needed it--a place to train them to be mothers, help them get on their own feet, and share the love of Jesus with them. While we were praying for a maternity home in the future, we were also praying for a new home for our own family. We had to move out of our one bedroom apartment before Kai was born. We had plans to move in with some friends and share a house, but that fell through a month before my due date. I panicked, but Brandon calmly said, “That just means God has something better planned!” Sure enough, the VERY NEXT DAY the director of the local crisis pregnancy center called me. I had volunteered to work in the center occasionally, but she was calling about something different. She explained to me that the center has 5 apartments donated to them by a local complex. In 4 of the apartments they house women in crisis pregnancy situations. In the 5^th apartment they house mentors to oversee the program. The director asked if, by chance, we were interested in moving in the next month to oversee the housing program. We, of course, said YES and we have been working in their housing program for the last 2 years.

 

The funny thing about this apartment complex is that it is one of the more impoverished areas of town. The apartment complex also donates apartments to nonprofits that work with homeless men, people recovering from drug abuse, and people with mental illnesses. It is a very eclectic mix. We have grown to love so many of the people here. We have funny stories, heartbreaking moments, and constant challenges. As we are about to move, I want to write down some of the stories so I don't forget. This first one happened just the night before last.

{Tale I }

One down, one to go. We close Kai's door after putting him to bed and turn off the living room lights to begin rocking Caleb to sleep. As Caleb and I both start to nod off BAM BUBUBAM BAM!

"Was that fireworks or a gun?" was my first thought. The first time we heard "fireworks" here it was actually someone shooting next to our building. I peeked out the window. Ok, fireworks. Good.

There's a drug dealer who moved into the building across the street from us two months ago. He has 3 girls over that are setting off fireworks. I hear Kai jump up excitedly from his crib shouting, "Fiiiiireworks! See!" Caleb is looking at me wide-eyed. Oy vey. Brandon picks Kai up and takes him out to the front porch to watch the fireworks. The neighbor's children are outside both crying because the fireworks startled them so. The girls are just standing around with Mr. Drug Dealer chatting and it doesn't look like there are anymore fireworks. We put Kai back to bed and begin rocking Caleb again. 5 minutes later-- BAM BUBUBAM BAM! Back outside we go with the two little boys. Neighbor boys are crying again. Once again the girls are just hanging out and appear to be done with the fireworks. Drug dealer leaves. We go back inside. Yep, you guessed it. BAM BUBUBAM BAM! This continues for an hour. By 10 o'clock we've had enough so I walk across the street to the three girls. They're all probably around 20 years old. One is wearing jeans with sweat pants also pulled over her legs, but not her butt. I'm not sure how they stayed up. One is slightly older looking just in jeans and a white T. The third is pretty, but quite cross-eyed. I politely explain, 

"Hi there! I hate to be the party crasher, but we have been trying to put our babies to sleep and the noise is keeping them up. Would you mind holding off on the fireworks tonight? " 

"Ok, we'll stop. No problem." the cross-eyed one answers me. 

"Great, thank you. I appreciate it."

I walk up the stairs and back inside. As soon as I close the door, BAM BUBUBAM BAM! "Fireworks! See it!" cries Kai from his crib again. I probably had smoke rising from hair. I stomped back outside as the white T girl was lighting another firework. As I approached she glanced at me and said, "We're almost done". 

"You just told me you would stop and as soon as I turned around you did it again. I'm not asking for myself. My children need their sleep and the neighbor kids are up crying because the noise is scaring them too. It's too late at night for this now and if I hear them again I'm calling the police."

I walked back inside. BAM BUBUBAM BAM! 

Call the police. I have to stand outside again with Kai because he wants to see the fireworks again. The neighbor girl walks up with her crying baby and asks me what happened. White T girl calls to me from across the street,

"You *(&*^*, if you have something to say to me why don't you come say it to my face!"

Great. How mature.

Trying to speak calmly, "I already came and talked to you twice. I don't have anything else to say."

"*(^&^*****)(*&&&"

"When the police come, tell them we're taking a walk. Tell them I'm the one in the white shirt."

Girls take off walking yelling at me as they go. Police come by later I guess, but no one is there. Caleb finally asleep by 12:30. Brandon and I are finally lying in bed in peace and quiet, but can't sleep.

"I have a long way to go before I'm like Jesus," Brandon whispers to me across the bed.

"Yeah, me too."

"I kept fantasizing about punching those girls in the face or hoping that drug dealer dude would come by and start something so I would have an excuse to fight him"

"Yeah, I really wanted to punch that girl in the face too. I'm ok now though. I asked God to forgive me and her and asked him to encounter her....but yeah, I really wanted to punch her in the face. We have a long way to go."

Make us like you, Jesus. Right here in the middle of this place that so desperately needs you.